Finding Your Identity Through Relationships

You were created to be in relationships.

By: Brad Cullum, MA, LPC, EMDR

Frequent questions or concerns that are brought up in counseling are focused on the understanding or recognition of self identity. Many times when people are finding themselves in a season of struggle, it is often due to losing themselves, losing meaning or missing purpose in their lives. We are all created as spiritual beings with attributes that allow us to function in a lost world. However, the connectedness that is needed is rooted in relationships: the relationship with oneself, the relationship with others, and the relationship with God.  If we ignore relationships, we can find ourselves alone, sad and scared.  When that connection in relationships is broken, we become dependent on the self. We stop reaching out to others and stop relying on and trusting God.  We find out quickly how lonely the world can become.  So, the question is: who am I? 

Understanding who we are starts with understanding how God created us. We are emotional, spiritual and relational beings.  We are created to have freedom of expression: freedom to express our hunger for life, seeking fulfillment and hope, and believing in our God given right to display our feelings. We are meant to communicate our needs, and to connect in relationship with God by being vulnerable, expressing our longing to have more of what He is. This look at what God has intended, may cause different responses, depending on the reader. One reaction may be that of excitement, a thought that may energize you into action. Another may be one of complete fear, fear that paralyzes you into a life of inaction. If you are on the side of inaction and fear, it’s time to begin making a plan so you can begin living in freedom instead of bondage. Living a life of fulfillment away from anxiety and depression means joining into the relational world by learning how to be in relationship with oneself, others, and God.

When you find yourself in an unhealthy place, everything seems insurmountable. You may be consumed with negative thoughts, cynical thoughts that bring you down along with everyone else around you. People in this mindset will admittedly lack hope and desire for life. They stop longing for spiritual connection and have very little ability to understand their feelings and express their needs. 

So how does one start living a life of fulfillment? One must have the willingness and patience to make the changes that lead to a fulfilling life. This process begins by taking the first step of becoming AWARE of the qualities of the person you are meant to be.  Secondly, how do you INTEND to put those awarenesses into action? Lastly, what specifically will you do to put the intention into PRACTICE? These three steps will lead to CHANGE.

Write this down!              

Here are some common examples:

When it comes to relationships, it is vital that you are intentional. You must plan time with family, friends and the Lord so it becomes a way of life. Invite relationships into your life and as you do, you will begin to crave them. Being intentional gets you off the couch, pursuing life instead of waiting for life to come to you. You will find this way of thinking and living exciting, energizing, and refreshing. You may meet people you may have never had the opportunity to meet. You may find intimacy with your spouse that renews your marriage. And because you have invited God back into your life, you will recognize all the gifts He has placed in front of you. Being aware of what you need in relationships, being intentional in regards to how to pursue relationships, and specifically planning the who, where and when of your relationships will allow you to live your life more fully.  

This new game plan will help you begin an amazing journey. It will not come without effort and it will take consistency in your behavior to be successful. 

ARE YOU SEEKING HELP WITH RELATIONSHIPS, MARRIAGE, OR PARENTING ISSUES?

Brad Cullum is a Professional Counselor working in Argyle, Texas. He was voted Best Of Denton County, Couples and Family Therapist, 2019. Brad provides therapy for those struggling with issues related to communication, marriage, relationships, family issues, parenting, and more. His office is located near Denton, Highland Village, Flower Mound, Lantana, Roanoke, and Justin. If you are looking for a therapist in the Argyle area, contact him today for a complimentary phone consultation, 940-241-4140.